Nintendo announces that everyone’s favourite plumber is no longer a plumber

Mario, now a former plumber.  Image by MarySuperStudio (via Shutterstock).

Mario, now an ex-plumber, thanks to Nintendo’s announcement. Image by Mary Super Studio (via Shutterstock).

What’s the biggest news story you have heard this week? Brexit? Hurricane Irma? The demise of the Oldham Evening Chronicle newspaper? Bolton’s new bus station? Or the small matter of Nintendo’s iconic plumber?

Do you mean Mario, whose girlfriend is Princess Peach? The one whose co-worker is Luigi? Yes, we do. This week, Nintendo has announced that Mario (née Jumpman in Donkey Kong, and star of countless video games) isn’t a plumber at all. According to his profile on the Japanese Nintendo website, he is really a Jack Of All Trades.

His profile has the famous (ex) plumber down as an all round sports personality. A keen baseball player, footballer, racing driver, and a tennis star. In other words, more like Lewis Hamilton instead of Charlie Mullins.

Throughout his life and times in video game form, he and Luigi did patch up a broken pipe on Super Mario 3D World. If you had Mario Bros. on the Atari 8-bit, Commodore 64, or ZX Spectrum computers, the first level did have two sewerage pipes (which was where the connection ends).

What if he was a plumber? Firstly, Donkey Kong and Jumpman were both released in 1981 for the home computer systems and arcade machines of the day. Supposing he was 27 years old in 1981, he should be 63 years old now. He should be about to retire, or has made enough money to retire from the profession.

Perhaps he should be due for his free bus pass or look at all the wonderful coach trips he could make with Princess Peach. Blackpool is wonderful at this of the year, at least after dark until November.

ST Heating Services, 07 September 2017.

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